Two Years, One Sausage Dog and a Life I’m Still Trying to Figure Out
Lost my mojo, lost my identity, lost my clients, gained insanity.
Two years ago, I gave up my beauty career to look after Grace, my little dachshund, while she was a puppy.
At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to be there for her, and I thought life was simply taking a different direction.
I didn’t realise just how much would change.
For years, my work had given me routine, purpose, friendships and a sense of who I was. I had clients who came back regularly, people to talk to and somewhere I needed to be.
Then, suddenly, all of that disappeared.
My days became quieter. I had more time, but not always a clue what to do with it. I was looking after Grace, but I was also trying to work out who I was without the career I’d spent years building.
Nobody really tells you that losing your routine can feel a bit like losing yourself.
So, what now?
I’ve always had ideas. That’s partly the joy of having ADHD and partly the problem!
One idea leads to another, and before I know it, I’m planning something new, wondering if I should turn it into a business or questioning why everyone else seems to know what they’re doing.
I’ve explored different projects, including creating things inspired by Grace. Sometimes it’s exciting. Sometimes something that started as a hobby becomes another thing I feel I ought to succeed at.
Social media can make that worse. It’s easy to compare your beginning with somebody else’s middle and wonder what you’re doing wrong.
The truth is, I don’t necessarily want another career. I want to enjoy life, make things, explore places, write about what interests me and perhaps sell a few cards along the way.
I want to do things because they make me happy, not because I feel I have to turn them into something bigger.
Life with Grace
Grace has brought companionship, laughter and a completely different rhythm to my life.
She’s also taught me that a successful day can apparently involve a short walk, a good meal and several hours in bed.
She’s a dachshund. She has her priorities.
But as much as I adore her, having a dog doesn’t magically solve everything else. I can love the life we’ve built together and still miss parts of the life I had before.
I can be grateful and still struggle. I can want a fresh start without knowing exactly what that looks like.
And perhaps that’s all right.
With the support of my mum, a little time and plenty of reflection, I’m trying to find my confidence again and work out what this next chapter means for me.
Still figuring it out
I don’t have a grand plan. I’m not about to tell you that I’ve discovered the secret to happiness or that everything happens for a reason.
I’m just trying to find my way.
I want to get out more, discover new places, enjoy the little things and stop putting so much pressure on myself to have everything sorted.
Maybe I’ll build something new. Maybe I’ll simply enjoy being creative without needing it to become a business.
For now, I’m learning that I don’t have to be the person I was before, and I don’t have to know exactly who I’m becoming.
I gave up beauty to look after a puppy. I lost my clients, my routine and some of my confidence along the way.
But I gained Grace.
And somewhere between the big ideas, the overthinking and the days when neither of us wants to get out of bed, I’m beginning to work out that my life doesn’t have to look the way it used to.
Two years, one sausage dog, and still a work in progress.
Grace is in bed, obviously.
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